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How to Create Emotional Marketing that Doesn’t Suck – with Great Examples.

By Justin McCullough

CadburyGorillaLookMost marketing and advertising is awful. Just plain, heartless, uninspired, time-wasting, noise.

This is a common problem with marketers. Me included.

Being passionate and emotional is tough.

We’ve been told facts sell, infographics are great, and authority comes from deep domain knowledge. Logical explanations lead to logical purchases.

After all, people don’t want to be interrupted by frivolous messages or bored to death with the facts. No one wants to buy your product because of it’s specs. As Zig Ziglar once said, “People don’t buy drills, they buy holes.”

Yet we recognize that humor, surprise, mystery, and passion connect brands in profound ways.

Why is that? Why are people drilling holes? Why would I want to talk about a drill? (more on that in a moment).

Hint: It’s not because of logic.

Marketing is emotional storytelling not logical explanations.

The best marketing creates an emotional and physical response. Laughing, crying, smiling, and of course the much loved sharing, retweeting, liking, and redistributing.

Emotional marketing is about storytelling or acting as the central object that connects stories and discussions.

From buying wine because of a daily email written by a passionate story teller or from purchasing because of videos by a rambunctious and passionate entrepreneur – it’s not the facts that matter nearly as much as the story, the passion, and the emotional connection.

This can be done with only words and music.

As you can see, it can be done with simple images. In this case with Google, the connection is formed through initial curiosity, the story being told through the search phrases along with the support of the music and sound effects guide us through a well crafted emotional journey.

The video is absolutely about Google, yet Google makes it 100% about us.

Logically, this is about how Google search works, maps, flight times, and how everything you want to know is a Google search away.

Emotionally, this is the story of courage, persistence, desire, commitment and love.

The emotional connection is what makes the product so compelling. It’s a story about living, growing and loving.

But the message isn’t always so close to the product.

Sometimes it’s very far from the product.

You’re connected right from the start with the iconic lyrics of Phil Collins.

“I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord. I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life, oh lord.”

We know this song, its energy, its power. Emotional. Captivating.

After tight intimate shots of this stoic ape, the camera pulls back and we discover this gorilla sitting upright. Cocking its head slowly side to side like a fighter before a fight.

A drum set before him.

CadburyGorillaDrumsWait, what? A drum set?

This unexpected reveal is perfectly timed to one of the world’s most recognizable drum sections bursting into action. The gorilla, sticks in hand, drumming in perfect sync to an emotionally charged and much loved rock song.

Wow. “In the Air Tonight”, drummed by a gorilla as a 90 second commercial for Cadbury.

Of course this video went viral.

Millions of views, downloads, and remixes.

But what does that have to do with Cadbury, the product?

According to Mitch Joel over at Twist Image in his 2007 post on the Cadbury Gorilla, the creative direction for the video is “just an effort to make you smile, in exactly the same way Cadbury Dairy Milk does. And that’s what we aim to continue to do; simply make you smile.”

But, will the viewer see the connection between a drumming gorilla and Cadbury?

Mitch goes on to tell us that he recognizes Cadbury is pushing limits and trying stuff. The point of the 90 second video is to create a meeting point where a quick laugh can take place and go viral.

In essence, the video gives happiness, becomes shareable and goes viral as a result.

This video was posted in 2007.

Not a stunt. A story that connected even if it was in an odd way.

This post is not about viral video.

carlsjrswimsuitThis post is not about advertising stunts.

It’s about the truth of people and the never ending desire to connect emotionally not logically. This is our job as marketers.

The on-ramp to your brand is through an emotional connection

If you need to create awareness and visibility, the old ways of interruption media don’t work like they once did.

But neither does pumping out pithy blog posts or uneducated rants, and instructional videos.

Now, we have to join the land of the living where the people are. Where the customer is. Where conversations are happening. We need to give them something that resonates so they can talk about it. Have fun with it.

For example, if you’re a man you probably own a drill.

I bet it’s not a Milwaukee drill.

Why would you talk about a Milwaukee drill?
Certainly not for the drill as Zig Ziglar says, and probably not for the hole either. But for the hip hop music and the intense torque that causes you to spin at 100RPM like a breakdancer on meth? Yeah, that’s the conversation.

I get it. Makes me smile. When the radio gets flipped on, I actually laugh out loud. “Man, I need to show this to David” I think to myself.

And just like that, Milwaukee becomes a story I can tell.

I don’t even own a Milwaukee drill yet this funny encounter with one makes it impossible for me to not want to share it with at least one person I know.

And you’re the same way. We all are.

Our job as marketers is to work on that entry-point by offering something with heart, not just facts.

Creating emotional connections.

In 2010 Scott Stratten, author of the best-selling book, UnMarketing, asked moms “if they could go back to before their first baby, what would they tell themselves” the answers were then shown as pictures woven together in video. The message resonated.

Like the Google video, it was driven by message from words to create a strong emotional connection.

Scott’s video was similar to the Cadbury Gorilla in that it used no speaking actors and relied on visuals and music to tell the story. Focused entirely on an emotional connection using facts about life, not facts about products in order to connect with the intended audience – moms.

In this Fast Company article, Scott said “the goal was simple: to make moms smile, cry, and share. You’ll notice in the video itself there is no branding for the client, Nummies Nursing Bras, up until the very end when the owner of Nummies, Alison Kramer, is holding up the last sign, thanking everyone.”

Yeah, but you’re no crybaby.

This sounds too heady, to touchy-feely for you?

Maybe you need the smell of sweat, fork-lifts and grungy warehouses. Maybe a man with a machete?

No problem.

The Dollar Shave Club relies on humor and surprise to connect with millions of men.

In 90 seconds of marketing and entertainment gold, ripe with humor and unexpected storytelling, the Dollar Shave Club becomes something you just want to talk about it.

This video pulls together a logical product message and takes us on totally unexpected ride that makes us smile. Which naturally leads us to share it and talk about it.

Are you creating a discussion worth having?

Social objects, purple cows, and being worthy of discussion.

The Cadbury Gorilla and these videos are examples of creative ideas that have emotional horsepower that can’t help but become the center of conversation.

They connect. They resonate. They are not about the facts.

In short, they are Social Objects.

GapingVoid.comHugh Macleod refers to a social object, as a node, a reason for meaningful conversation to take place.

As an artist, entrepreneur and author, Hugh knows a thing or two about this fundamental truth. He lives by it. He creates art that people talk about, he creates social objects and coined the phrase.

Hugh says that marketing is not about likes on facebook or retweets. Instead, marketing is about creating these sharing devices called social objects.

We have to create things that become central points of discussion.Hugh says “social networks form around Social Objects, not the other way around”.  So, “if your product is not a Social Object, why are you in business?”

This is serious insight for today’s marketer – and business owners.

“Somewhere along the line I figured out the easiest products to market are objects with “Sociability” baked-in. Products that allow people to have “conversations” with other folk.”

Social objects are worthy of being talked about. Social objects are good for businesses and their customers.

purplecowSeth Godin refers to this in his best-selling book “Purple Cow”. The purple cow is the remarkable element within your business, service or product that is worth talking about.  It is the marketing built right into the product itself.

Novel idea right? Make something worth talking about.

In a blog post about how to be remarkable, Seth illustrates 9 truths about being remarkable.  He says “Remarkable doesn’t mean remarkable to you. It means remarkable to me. Am I going to make a remark about it? If not, then you’re average, and average is for losers. Being noticed is not the same as being remarkable. Running down the street naked will get you noticed, but it won’t accomplish much. It’s easy to pull off a stunt, but not useful.”

What Seth is saying is important.

We aren’t creating random junk that causes discussion just for the sake of it.  Instead, we are creating meaningful connections that are worth talking about.

What if the product doesn’t seem to be remarkable?

Like a newspaper for example. How can we bring an emotional connection to the daily paper?

Wow, an attacking skinhead brings fear front and center and turns it into care in 30 short seconds. At the center, the promise of editorial integrity by the newspaper to give you a full story.  This video was made in 1986 and still resonates today.

But, it’s a different time and place today – right?

We don’t love newspaper and this type of advertising, while good to prove a point like this, doesn’t help you see the bigger picture that includes today’s users, readers, and distracted lifestyles.

Ok, how about the same newspaper – the Guardian – circa 2012.

Longer, more complex, but relevant and captivating.

I’d argue the complexity makes it a bit harder to embrace as a social object.  But it’s a great example of the same product staying connected in today’s world through a story we can relate with. While we may not smile or laugh, we nod our heads in agreement, understanding, and approving. We see the world is tough, bad people do bad things, and we have an opinion about it.

It connects and resonates.

How do we accomplish this for ourselves?

Questions to drive connections and Lovemarks

Kevin Roberts, CEO of Saatchi and Saatchi has an informed opinion after 40+ years in big advertising working on the inside of giants like Gillette, P&G, and Pepsi, until becoming the big cheese at Saatchi and Saatchi Worldwide.

Kevin boils it down to three simple questions:

  1. Do you want to see it again?
  2. Do you want to share it?
  3. Do you want to improve it?

Ask these questions to get clued into today’s best marketing efforts.

love-respectOf course, this is advice given from the man who strongly believes advertising is about emotional storytelling, not facts and figures. This is the person responsible for the Love / Respect axis that illustrates brands becoming Lovemarks.

In this hour long agency presentation, Kevin explains how these three questions are central to their advertising agency of more than 6,000 employees.

Kevin tells us marketing is dead.

The old ways of creating demand, awareness, and customers is dead. Now marketing is about creating a movement of people, inspiring them to join that movement for your brand, your business, your belief.

From his perspective, new is not what’s important, what’s important today is the now and everything is about happiness in the now.

We have moved from information to inspiration.

We must inspire, not just inform.

Today’s marketing is based on emotion not rational thinking.

Kevin warns that rational thinking leads to conclusions, to meetings, to consultants and to more emails.  But emotional thinking leads to action.

In his book, Lovemarks: The future beyond brands, he tells us the three key elements of emotional story telling for the ultimate brand, the Lovemark, is to communicate with mystery, sensuality and intimacy.

This questionnaire gives you a great idea of how Kevin and the team at Saatchi and Saatchi see brands and define them as a Lovemark.

So, what does this all mean?

I_Cannot

Conclusion

  1. To create something remarkable it has to connect with the customer – emotionally.
  2. Make it remarkable in the customers eyes, not yours alone, it’s not about you.
  3. Great marketing and great products are social objects worthy of conversation.
  4. Use stories to create humor, surprise, joy, sadness, and other emotional connections to give the world something that is liked, shared, and discussed.
  5. Create something you want to see again, participate in, and talk about.
  6. It’s no longer a stunt, an advertising gimmick; instead it’s a meaningful touch point where you are clearly inside the hearts and minds of your kind of people. It’s a way to say you get it and you want to be a part of the discussion.
  7. It’s not logic, it’s emotion.
  8. inspire, don’t inform.

What are you creating that’s vulnerable or inspiring?

Speak up and let me know where you stand on this.

Facts? Emotions? Tell me.

How to Use Evernote to Create Better Content. (It’s Absolutely Foolish to Not Use This Tool)

By Justin McCullough

evernoteEvernote is your always connected, searchable, expanding brain.

If it gets your attention, put it in Evernote. If it needs to be remembered, put it in Evernote.  If it’s a work in progress, put it in Evernote.

This simple app will bring more organization and time savings to your creation efforts than any other tool.

It’s a must have for anyone creating content, researching, learning, and producing any form of communication.

One of the cool things with Evernote is that it indexes text from within your pictures.  So this makes it very handy for images and finding content by keyword searches inside the app, but that’s not even close to explaining how useful this app is.

How Writers, Bloggers, Content Creators, Speakers and Marketers use Evernote.

  1. Save quotes and sources.
  2. Save statistics, facts, and data.
  3. Save tweets that are worth retweeting, recycling, or keeping.
  4. Save blog posts, the entire article or parts of it.
  5. Save important emails.
  6. Save links and curate them.
  7. Save all your research for your work-in-progress project.
  8. Save your draft and add too it on-demand or pull content into it during research.
  9. Save your templates, proposals, guides, and checklists.
  10. Capture inspiration, headline and story ideas, angles, or examples.
  11. Leverage your reading, researching, and past content by revisiting in new work.
  12. Organize your articles, projects, and content into Evernote Notebooks (file system).
  13. Seed your editorial calendar, upcoming posts, and future content plans.
  14. Stub a topic with a rough outline of the story idea for follow up.
  15. Share a link to your Evernote for someone else to read.

To do those things with maximum efficiency, you need to have Evernote available and at your fingertips no matter where you are.  Do NOT just rely upon the web interface. It’s key, but to stop here is limiting.

Make Evernote Instantly Accessible.

The first thing you need to do is setup your Evernote account and then your unique Evernote email address.

Install the plugin for the web clipping tool so you can easily clip content from an article and click to save it instantly into your evernote (without ever going into Evernote). If you have another machine at work or elsewhere, install this plugin on those machines too.

Download the Evernote app on your smart phone and iPad.

Now, it’s handy to use and accessible no matter where you are.  This makes retrieving information, adding information or editing super easy.

This also makes Evernote a central part of your life. Doing this, allows you to act spontaneously and never miss the opportunity to keep a memory, idea, thought, or piece of information.

10 Ways to Get Content Into Evernote.

Michael Hyatt has explained these 10 ways to get your stuff in Evernote, so I’m just going to give you the highlight version. Read his post for his explanation and tips to do anyone of these.

  1. Type It. Straight in Evernote.
  2. Email it. Forward into your Evernote.
  3. Scan it. Scan docs, see them in Evernote.
  4. Clip it. Clip content from blog via web browser.
  5. Paste it. Select, copy, go to Evernote and paste.
  6. Drag it. On Desktop, click, drag, make copy in Evernote.
  7. Print It. Save as PDF to Evernote.
  8. Record it. Voice record it into Evernote.
  9. Photograph it.  Take picture save to Evernote.
  10. Automate it.  On a mac, right click and save to Evernote.

And here’s my bonus 11th way to get an item in Evernote.  Feed push it.

If you haven’t used this handy service called IFTTT to automate stuff, then you’re missing out on a slice of heaven. I use IFTTT to push my blog posts to twitter and facebook automatically when it publishes. I also use this service to send me a text message on my cell phone every Sunday night reminding me to take out the garbage (don’t tell my wife)!

For example, IFTTT can save Seth Godin’s latest blog post as a new Evernote.  Of course, this could be ANY blog post via the IFTTT rss feed to Evernote tool. And that’s what I mean by feed push it. Simply set up your IFTTT account and pick an rss feed you want to follow and let IFTTT push those feeds into your Evernote.

And, if you are a big Kindle fan, you can even get your Kindle Highlights into Evernote.

Pro Content Creators use Evernote.

  • Michael Hyatt uses Evernote for speaking, writing, and blogging.
  • Tim Ferris used Evernote to write a book, the best seller 4 Hour Chef.
  • Chris Brogan uses Evernote for travel, contacts, research and more.
  • Brian Clark uses Evernote for copyblogger and his other writing projects.

Using Evernote to Drive Content

When you file your ideas, save your sources, and clip your articles, you’ll build a body of work you can refer back to and develop from. This is a key part of content creation and it will give your content more substance and authority. And by having this tool handy no matter where you are, you’ll be able to filter your reading and experiences against the content you are planning or producing and immediately store it in Evernote.

Reading an inspirational story that gives a great example you want to remember? Save it to Evernote. Stumble across an interesting fact that is useful? Save it to Evernote. Check out this post by ViperChill to see the random but interesting things he saves in his Evernote like the simple idea that gave Quicken 70% market share, or the teacher that makes $1 Million selling lesson plans or an original Google business card printed from a bubble get circa 1998. You can see, just through his examples, how he has factoids and bits of info that can make any article more interesting.

I use Evernote like this as well.

And so should you.

Your content will improve. Your ongoing story ideas will improve and you’ll never have to worry about drumming up an idea on the spot to write about.

Are You Using Evernote?

I was late to this party. I didn’t start using Evernote until November of 2012. And now, I don’t know how I ever managed with out.

So what about you – are you using Evernote? If so how?  If not, why tha heck aren’t you?

The No B.S. Truth About Content Marketing and How to Win Great Clients with it.

By Justin McCullough

6807667083_nobsAmateurs mistake tactics for technique and mechanics for mastery.

You’re no amateur are you?

Are you pitching the tactics of design, blogging, seo, or content creation as your product or service?

Don’t.

The clients you want.

They aren’t buying into pitches that sell blogging, seo, massive traffic and social media tactics. They are rarely buying content creation or design or coding either.

Not directly.

The clients you want are buying an answer to a problem based on leadership, uniqueness, and assets.

They are buying technique and mastery not tactics and mechanics.

Pro content marketers trade on why’s not how’s in order to sell themselves.

Pro content marketers don’t sell traffic or top rankings; they sell assets – marketing assets. (tweet this)

Pro’s know these marketing assets generate all kinds of benefits like leads, authority and sales. And of course traffic and ranking and social engagement and so on.

Your services must be seen as marketing assets.

Not web ninja internet guru garbage.

How?

Think flagship and cornerstone content for timeless posts that flow from pinnacle content and solid content marketing via specific efforts that live forever.

No crap – you say?

As a content marketer and a pro, you know this – right?

Well.

Cornerstone content isn’t the pitch either.

In fact, it’s never the upfront pitch.

Content marketing is your service and from it flows traffic and seo value and all sorts of benefits, but it’s not what you put out front so don’t hang your shingle on it. Even when you are being approached directly for this service – it’s not the pitch.

The pitch – and the point of this post – is this.

Use technique and mastery to define problems. Present value that resonates. That’s how to win with content marketing. (tweet this)

Sell the business on their hidden assets and how you are the one that turns that into enduring marketing assets through content marketing.

Clarify how these assets strengthen their brand, their business, their uniqueness and their connection to their best customer.

That’s precisely what they want.

Here’s how pro’s sell content marketing.

A conversation I had with a one of the largest C.P.A.’s in my area makes for a great example.

Talking to the senior partner and decision maker revealed some real challenges to their ideas about their customers, their industry and the value of marketing and communication.

In the start of our conversation they said they served every business because all businesses had taxes to file and this alone was evidenced by the fact they had clients from every industry in their customer list.

Their belief was that all C.P.A.’s were the same and that customers didn’t generally shop or switch a C.P.A when they had one. At least from their experience and by talking to other C.P.A’s.

Additionally, in 20+ years, all their business was referral only so there was clearly no need to do any external marketing, it was just noise and wasted dollars.

Obviously, they had no interest in the web, traffic, or seo – not initially.

In fact, they could care less.

But what they did want was leads, systems, and tools.

And they did want someone to show they what they couldn’t see for themselves.

They knew they needed more referrals or more business opportunities they just couldn’t see how to do it.

We needed to unpack the challenges.

So, addressing their point that C.P.A.’s were all the same and their belief they served a general business audience was a critical part of my job.

They saw no value in online content and the thought of it was easily dismissed.

They assured me that tax content on the web didn’t matter much and wouldn’t be worth reading – all C.P.A.’s were the same and customers had no interest in learning about taxes. Besides, the IRS had everything and was the logical place people would go for that information.

In a conclusive chuckle, he said “I mean, when was the last time you sat with a cup of coffee and enjoyed a leisurely article about taxes”?

This conclusion was understandable.

And this is where amateurs shrink away and pro’s step forward.

I said “Oh, so I should just go to the other C.P.A. across the street since it’s the same product, same service, and cheaper”?

His head began to shake a clear and visible no in response.

Suddenly the conversation shifted.

“Well no, while we are all certified public accounts and the accreditation is standardized we have different areas of expertise and proficiency.” He said.

Ah ha! Differentiators.

Tell me more.

After probing deeper, I discovered their best clients were Doctors, Engineers, and Attorneys – not every business after all. So I put focus on those three business types to gain more understanding.

Why was that?

A few reasons emerged.

Doctors, Engineers, and Attorneys all included partners in their business model (financial/stakeholder complexity), all had a similar diligence to record keeping, and they all had similar professional standards and appreciation of the C.P.A.’s. tax and compliance services because it had similar traits as their high credit, high authority professions.

In other words, those three industries resonated with the expertise and offerings of this particular C.P.A. firm because of their unique proficiencies.  There was a great transfer of trust and value because of their professional traits. And, they also had highly specialized knowledge on staff to serve those customers in ways other C.P.A.’s were not equipped to do well.

Hidden assets found.

So, back to content marketing.

Pitching traffic, seo, blogging, social media and inbound strategies is pointless here – and in a gazillion other examples that include your best new business opportunity.

These prospective clients are not buying that.

That pitch will never resonate up front.

What this C.P.A. (and your prospects) need is a clear understanding of how their business connects to their ideal customers. Once identified, suggesting a blog and content marketing strategy that achieves that is a smart and easy discussion.

So, from that, we were able to have focused and specific discussions about how connections and interest can be created around their unique authority and intimacy with their ideal clients – Doctors, Engineers, and Attorneys.

As a result, content marketing through a blog was clearly a key asset to communicate, cultivate and keeping in touch with who they cared about most.

And that is how to connect content to clients who don’t get content marketing.

Focus on them

  • Their why
  • Their uniqueness
  • Their hidden value
  • Their ideal customer
  • Their need for quality leads
  • Their marketing assets
  • Their results

Then, show how content marketing pulls all that together to create long-term marketing assets.

What do you think?

Are you helping businesses discover their hidden assets and create marketing assets?

How do you connect folks to content marketing?

(photo credit)

How Content Creators Use Reverse Engineering to Craft Amazing Reader Experiences

By Justin McCullough

5357373699_chelseawaReverse engineering may just be the change your content marketing strategy needed to go to the next level.

You already cross link your posts like a champ refusing to get a black eye, but do you create forward content specifically to support your current and possibly best content?

With this reverse engineering approach to content creation, you create compelling reader experiences that keep you on message while delivering several high value, contextually relevant posts that delights your readers.

The only new tools you’ll need – discipline and the process.

Here’s how it works.

The Sum Total Content Creation Method

  1. Write your high authority blog post. This is your Pinnacle Content.
  2. Link to other credible sources within your blog post.
  3. Cross link your own interesting or vulnerable and heart-wrenching blog posts.
  4. Then DON’T PUBLISH IT.
  5. Then mine the post for great supporting content your reader would value in relation to this Pinnacle Content.
  6. Then write and publish those supporting posts
  7. Then publish your Pinnacle Content with all supporting posts linking into it

Don’t dismiss this strategy not yet.

Read on to understand how valuable this method is.

While this requires you to delay self gratification and not ship your work, that’s not a bad thing.

Here’s why.

It gives your reader rich content tightly associated to the captivating message within your Pinnacle Content. It continues your story in a meaningful way.

Doing this creates a deep funnel of value and quality for your reader.

Think info-journey fueled by well coordinated info-snacks.

Immersive content not redundant content

This is not the same as writing a post and linking to old single-serving articles.

Nor is it gratuitous exposition on the same topic across several posts instead of one.

This is intentionally creating a hand-crafted and predefined network of content. It’s like pre-curating content that snaps together with great harmony.

Total Sum Content is a hive of intelligence in the form of a mountain that rises to a peak with one sharply focused and relevant post – the Pinnacle Content post which has all these supporting posts acting like tendrils of climbers rope cascading in a wide radius from its peak. Ready to support the path any reader sees potential in.

The benefits are many

  1. Clearer and more focused writing (you wont be tempted to cover several topics in a single pst)
  2. You’ll give a dynamic and strong entry-way to your most important content
  3. You’ll create more time on your blog, more page visits, and more content that matches your focus area
  4. You’ll provide an unexpected and unparalleled reader experience that delivers link by link
  5. You’ll give the reader a better understanding of your unique authority.
  6. You’ll exercise content that relates so strongly it could be the core of a book
  7. You’ll have greater connections to longtail, even obscure, but highly relevant content (stuff people aren’t looking for yet)

 

No one has time or attention to choose their own reading adventure

Rubbish.

No one has time for crap that leads to more crap.

With Total Sum Content Creation, you aren’t creating crap that links to crap.

You’re bringing expertise and craft to each post so it all adds up to a great, informative, and rewarding experience.

And not all of your topics have to connect.

In my case I may not actually cross link all 18 posts, but it signals to me exactly what I need to write about in order to properly scope and craft a focused and meaningful story that offers tangential depth in my authoritative area.

If anything, my idea bank of topics to write about grows and is connected to a thought process that reminds me why that topic had merit, why it seemed to have important life to it that would matter to my readers. In this way, I wont be tempted to write and ok info-snack that doesn’t really connect to an overarching story. It may still be a single post, but it wont be to far apart from a strong body of related content.

When you love to create helpful content, this is a good way to never loose your message or struggle with new content ideas.

Are you doing this?

If you aren’t share this on twitter and raise the flag for this powerful content development tactic. Heck, if you are doing this, share it anyway and comment below.

(Photo Credit)

Forgetting 30 Father’s Day’s. Remembering an Alcoholic.

By Justin McCullough

As far as I can recall it was a day that never happened.

Absolutely non-distinctive and forgettable.

Yesterday when I asked Mom, she said “all I can remember is backyard BBQ’s and a lot of drinking. I don’t remember ya’ll ever having a one-on-one, but you always gave him a card”.

Yeah, sounds right.

He was always drinking and I always gave a card.

I don’t remember any of the possibly 30 or more cards that I may have given.

I don’t even remember necessarily wanting to give a card despite how much I do and did love him. But I know I would have given a card.

Today, on this Father’s Day, I’m wondering what I wrote in those cards. I can safely assume I got a card that had truth to it – I have always thoughtfully considered and selected a card. Always.

So I wonder, did I pick a card that simply said what I felt and added a quick scribble at the end?

“With love, Justin”

Or did I add to it?

“Roses are red, violets are blue, Dad, you know I love you”?

Did I wax poetic with a heartfelt sentiment?

“Dad, in all these years a single card can’t sum up what my heart has stored for you. You’re the best!”

Or did I try to inspire him?

“You’re a great dad! Keep doing amazing things – I love when you spend time with me and all the great things we talk about”.

I don’t really know.

I simply don’t remember.

Like I said, I always thoughtfully pick out cards. So I’m sure it was genuine and optimistic – that’s how all those cards are written anyway.

As I try to imagine a day I don’t remember, I find myself drawing familiar scenes together to create a picture.

Somewhere between the long draw from a Marlboro red and another sip of coffee, I slip an envelope across the table with “Dad” written in the center.  Eye contact and a smile – I smile back. He clears his throat and I watch his hands work the card free. I watch him read. I imagine those words of love and hope and optimism dancing forward in his mind all the way to his heart. I imagine they arrive like a fisherman’s bobber splashing the surface of his mind before sinking away being pulled deep below were all those good things went and rarely came back from. I see him, red faced and red eyed and hung over force another smile and come for a hug and a kiss.  Depending on the sentiment or the year, or the level of drinking the night before he might have laughed or “felt it” deep inside – for a moment. But the moment would have been short lived. I imagine it ended with me looking optimistically for a thoughtful response. Something that would have balanced my time spent on the card. I always pick a thoughtful card, surely he noticed right?

And, after the moment passed I’m sure I thought “maybe next time I’ll say it better”. Or maybe I thought I could believe the what the card said with as much belief as I could muster and it would be real for me too, that the card was the sum of all my feelings for him. And that he felt that way too. As the years passed and I got older, maybe I thought it didn’t matter, but at least I was trying – at least one of us was trying.

I’d like to say I don’t remember simply because I didn’t give it much thought, but that would be a lie.

I’ve always been very thoughtful about my dad.

The quality and nature of those thoughts have varied over the years, but I know that when Father’s Day came, it came with me thinking about him. And I know that not many days came or went (nor do they still) where I don’t think about him.

So much thinking. So many Father’s Day’s now passed yet I just can’t remember any of them.

I know they happened. I know I was there.

Where are those memories now?

Today, after nearly a decade of him being gone and me now having ten years of experience as a dad myself, I wish we could talk about life and my kids. I wish we could swap stories about the things kids do, the things I did as a kid at the same age as my boys, and what my kids are doing now and how proud he is to be a dad and grandfather.

I know that on this day, I’d be thinking of him and give him a thoughtful card.  And I know that I would be more patient and also more direct and clear on what I mean with my words and my heart – and he’d better understand what I value. And he’d know that I valued him, loved him, and forgave him.

I wish I could have told him what I really thought back then. I wish he would have understood things from my perspective and that it might have mattered to him. Maybe it did. I don’t know.

If only I could have found that right and perfect card that would have lasted more than a moment on his fogged radar. That card that shook him free without repercussions to me after he read it. That card that would have said what was truly on my heart rather than the simple optimistic platitudes.

The perfect Father’s Day card.

That’s what I’m thinking about at this moment.

What’s it take to be that perfect Father’s Day card when your dad is an alcoholic?

The one that shows honesty, compassion, hope, forgiveness, love, and optimism but says directly what your heart cries out for?

I don’t think there is one. Maybe there should be one.

Maybe across the front, in a nice script or calligraphy it could read:

A Father’s Day to remember!

It would open showing a son and father walking toward a setting son. The interior message might say:

Dad, you know I love you like only your son could.

Flesh and blood, you know me and that I am good.

So on this day, and in this way, I really must say,

For the one thousandth time, your breath stinks so please stop the drinks.

 

I know you’re busy, work is hard and you aren’t in the mood.

And yes Dad, I know you’re stressed and this seems really rude,

But you’re resistant, constantly distant and so unpleasant

I can’t help wonder if you love the drinks more than what I think.

 

You know I love you, so don’t let these honest words light your fuse,

It’s because I care so much, so here is a great idea you can use.

After all, it’s Father’s Day today! So in this way, if only for one day,

This is what I think. Let’s spend the day together without even a single drink.

That might not be the card for everyone on Father’s Day. But today, if dad were still alive, I think this card would be the one I would thoughtfully consider – and hopefully have the courage to give – lovingly and optimistically, and with grace – free of judgment and anger.  Maybe for him, in just that right moment, with the grace of God it would be the perfect card that actually says what matters.

But I don’t know.

I didn’t see that card when I went looking and I don’t think a card like that exists.

I wish it did.

Now, after nearly a decade passed I still miss and love my dad so much.

I know he drank down his thoughts and pains and I know he added my childhood to his well of mistakes.  I wish he wouldn’t have. I wish he would have had the courage to break free from its grip on him.

I wish he could have seen how great of a man he was, how wonderful his mind was, and how generous and beautiful he was to those whom he loved and that loved him.  I wish he knew that we always loved him, it was just his drunk counterfeit that we despised. I wish that he knew what we knew about that guy, that counterfeit, that he was trapped in a bottle that didn’t have to be drank from.

Instead, he could have been sober and free.  Free to love, free to be loved, free to live completely unbound from his drinking.  I know this is true and possible. There are thousands if not millions whom have broken free from that bondage.

I wish I had the memories of a dad who conquered his alcoholism.

How mighty and strong would that be?! How great an example of would that set?! What a beautiful thing to honor on some future Father’s Day! To be able to write in a beautiful Father’s Day card, the simple post script: “Dad, I love you, and I’m so proud of you and the time we have together”.

I know this is heavy . A real buzz kill I’m sure. Especially on such a day as this.

But this is real. How long must we watch our dads drink away their life and honor? How many sons will rise up in this shadow to do the same as they father another generation of sons who don’t remember their Father’s Day’s either? How many, like me, will not look fondly on past Father’s Day’s?

How many, like me, will ask what really is the point of a Father’s Day anyway?

Is it the drinking and cookouts? Is it a “day off” for Dad’s from the job of parenting? Is it a day for those busy and distracted dad’s to stop everything that distracts them so they can finally focus on their kids and, if only for a day, be a Dad and nothing else? I wonder, are dad’s going all year anxiously waiting for this one day? Is this the one day when they are honored as the head of the family, the provider and protector? Is this day special?

I don’t know. Dad was an Alcoholic.

He never told me what it meant. I mean, what it meant to him.

And so today, when I reflect on those living years with Dad, I can only assume it didn’t mean all that much to him. Just another day…

Maybe because of his dad and his own life experience he though Father’s Day was just another day. Maybe he thought it was a non-distinctive and forgettable day. Maybe he too had years of experience and felt it was just another day that never happened. The kind of day with food and lots of drinking. A day with a card that didn’t say much and didn’t change much. A day that was like most other days. Maybe his dad never told him what it meant either.

And that makes me so sad.

All those memories we could have had that died, one by one, drink by drink, forgettable day by forgettable day. Traded like cheap currency for fleeting numbness and new hurts and pains.

And here I am, still reflecting on those dead, forgotten memories. Wishing we would have more days free of the toxic fog of alcoholism.

Here I am still wishing more could have been done sober, more that would have been worth remembering on a day like Father’s Day. Surely its more than BBQ and a lot of drinking and giving a card.

(posted on 6/19/16)

The Ugly Business Syndrome and it’s 8 Curable Causes

By Justin McCullough

UglyBaby
The young, self-absorbed hipster couple exits the hospital after just seeing their first newborn…

Guy: Ugly Baby.

Girl: Yeah, ugly, definitely. But I’m sure it’ll get cuter as it grows up.

Guy: Will it?

Girl: (with a chuckle) Geez, lets hope so…

And that’s what folks will say about your business when it’s first born.

That one-room office with a card table for a desk and the boxes stacked where a filing cabinet should go.

Or maybe you’ve got a bit of a start-up bank-roll and got an office and fancy new equipment.  Doesn’t change anything – not really.

It’s just fancy clothes on an ugly business.

Why your new business is ugly when it’s first born:

  1. Not unique
  2. Not built for success
  3. Not ready
  4. Not aware of its customers
  5. Led by losers
  6. Without core values
  7. Without purpose
  8. Not in harmony

These eight things typify most start-up businesses. And that’s ok – really.

Just like in life, your business is never finished and you should continually be looping through and refining and redirecting your plans.

You see, I’ve come to learn these eight things are ok so long as you don’t stay that way.

Let me explain…

Explaining ugly

1 – Not Unique

People don’t do risky, don’t finance risky, don’t join and work for risky.

People want comfortable, safe bets therefore they want what’s already been done and proven to work. You can’t survive in a marketplace where all business are alike, that’s where price wars and unscrupulous marketplace activity thrives.  So, you must be risky (unique) to ultimately stand out and succeed. Don’t worry, you’ll get there, your business depends on it.

Read Seth Godin’s Purple Cow to make your business remarkable.

2 – Built for success

Every business starts with limitations and deficiencies.

Usually this is in at least one place but often many places including funding, systems, tools and resources, staff and leadership.  You’ll run business from a place of scrappy endurance, constantly trying to put a finger in the dam before it bursts. Some actually succeed at plugging all the holes.  You know what happens to those that don’t.

Make sure you build a business like a champ.

3 – Ready

No start-up is truly ready when it starts.  No business in operation is truly ready to go to the next level.  Just like becoming a parent, you are never ready for your first child, you just do it and figure out what works and what doesn’t work. Its always a game of vision, priority, sacrifice, and investment.

4 – Customers

You need customers and you know you must have a product or service to address that customer.

But beyond that, what do you know about your customer? Start-ups and even mature businesses often do not know their best customer or how to reach them. It’s something that takes shape over time as you experience sales, growth, and what makes your customers happy. It’s experience in a natural way of doing business.  Some companies are more conscious and involved in knowing and finding their best customers than others.

You would be wise to know your customer as soon as possible (and attract more of them). And by all means, please know the value of your customer.

5 – Losers

Both literally and metaphorically, companies are led by losers, misfits, egomaniacs and castaways.

Some call it entrepreneurial others call it rebellion.

The truth is that the leaders in business have drawn a line and decided to go their own way against the grain and disrupt things.  Many of those losers do not adapt, learn, and grow and they indeed fulfill their loser status however a good number reveal to themselves and the world around them that they are winners and set a standard of excellence.  We are all fighting to win, but rarely start as winners – the world is built for losers so the odds are already stacked against you. (controversial thought isn’t it?!)

6 – Core Values

An organization does not have core values, it adopts them. 

Core values come from people and specifically from founders, owners and leadership. 

The natural state of an organization is to be neutered of core values. As in, to not claim core values at all. this often happens because a misconception that core values are an academic exercise or that maintaining core values causes conflict with human resources.  Companies (most leaders) want to “win” not maintain values and often see values as a detriment to success.

You should know that truly great companies have core values, hire with core values in mind, and direct their company by their values. It’s never too early to know what you stand for.

7 – Purpose

An organization must stand for something, a greater good of some sort.

A company without purpose will only work for worldly reasons of greed, power and success.  While those motivations have been proven to work and can be seen in Forbes, Inc Magazine and many other sources, they are the exception not the rule. Enron and countless others illustrate what happens when the purpose of the organization is lost.

While money is good, profit is necessary, “to make money and get rich” is not a sustainable purpose.

Make sure you have a greater good.

8 – Harmony

Both internally and externally, business lack harmony and are in a constant state of vibration.

There is a ripple effect within your business that creates a state of flux and constant stress and struggle.  This inner disruption ripples out into the marketplace to customers, vendors, and competitors. People sense it when they speak to you.

You’ll want to iron our the wrinkles so you can focus on your best work. If all the other seven things are in place, you’re likely to experience perfect bliss!

Ugly is choice!

As odd as it may sound, don’t let your ugly business stop you from living your dream.

Just make sure you address the issues and constantly work to improve it.

I’ve been there myself and discovered some truths along the way.

So what do you say? Got an ugly business?

(photo credit)

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"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." - Philippians 4:8 ESV